If I had a dollar for every time something’s come out of my mouth and I’ve immediately thought “douchebag!”, I’d be comfortably living in a mansion built with diamonds in the Caribbean overlooking the ocean. Easily. This interview with French DJ Breakbot, also known as Thibaut Berland, would add a solid amount to my hypothetical riches. Not only did I struggle to understand his accent, but my flirting was armature by the lowest of standards. But he was a good sport and I’ve either made a new friend or will be shunned by his record label from here on in.

 

So help me out, how do I pronounce your name? I’m horrible with any French.

B: It’s pronounced Tibo – T. I. B. O.

 I’ve got it written down I just cant say it!  But you go by Breakbot right?

B: right

 Can I call you BB or Break or will you hate me?

B: you can call my whatever, I don’t mind. You can call me Breaky.

 Ok, alright, I can go with Breaky. So what kind of music do you make Breaky?

B: I make pop music.

 You make pop… I’ve thought disco funk as well…

B: yeah its pop influences by disco and funk.

 Well it sounds great, and its fun. How did you get into it?

B: well you know, I was listening to that kind of music when I was a kid and I guess I fell in love with Michael Jackson and Prince and stuff like that. 

 Didn’t we all! So I got a press release that says you’re a little bit mysterious. Are you?

B: yeah definitely.

 How are you mysterious?

B: well right now you don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe I’m doing something bizarre, you don’t know.

 Well can you tell me a secret, so that when I talk to people I can tell them I know Breaky’s secrets?

B: (laughs) A secret… what’s my secret… um.. (laughs)

 It doesn’t have to be the secret of your life, you know, just anything… something no one else knows.

B: well I’m actually a woman. Everybody thinks I’m a boy but I’m not.

 Ah that’s the secret! Man I know so many girls that are going to be bummed out.

BB: (laughs)

 I’ll make sure I keep it between us – it’s our special secret

B: Don’t tell my secret! Don’t tell my secret!

 So fantasy is a great track, there’s a pretty hot girl in the film clip that gets kind of naked. Did you get to pick her?

B: No, I wish I did, but no.

 Right?! That would be the best thing about a clip like that- castings!

B: no I didn’t get to do that. (Here he talks about being on the set and something along the lines of “she wasn't that pretty really, but nice” or “she was really pretty and nice” but I can’t make it out through his heavy French accent)

 Well that’s nice. So hey, I’ve met like two French guys in my 25 years of living and they both sucked; just horrible people. Should I just assume all French guys are like them? Because you seem pretty nice…

B: (laughs) Well thank you.

 So was it just my bad luck or do French guys usually suck?

B: I don’t think it was your bad luck, I think you’re right; French boys usually suck but I’m kind of the exception you know.

 You also kind of look like Jesus so maybe its this special thing that you have going; a 'holy than thou' thing.

B: Well… yeah. Also because I have like long hair and a beard and he was a white guy with blue eyes.

 Ok (at this point I’ve understood maybe only 70% of what he’s said)

So I just suck at understanding accents. I’m the worst. French is the worst; I misunderstand so much.

B: its my accent that sucks its not you.

 Oh thanks! So when are you bringing your funk to Australia?

B: I’m coming in January I think. On the start of January I’m going to be in Australia. Summer days.

 Well when you come can we hang out? I’m pretty cool, I’m not the coolest person here, but I’d be an alright tour guide.

B: sure (laughs)

 I’m going to tell everyone I’m hanging out with the female Jesus.

B: (laughing) What’s you’re name?

 I’m Hazal

B: Ah Hazal, yeah you told me. It could be fun to hang out. Where are you, Melbourne or Sydney?

 Sydney, the best place in Australia.

B: I love it. Every time I go there I am having so much fun. I love going to Bondi and having good food and then going to the beach.

 Well lucky you, I live in Bondi so it looks like we’re going to be really good friends.

B: yeah we’re definitely going to be really good friends.

 Alright do you have anything else to say before I hang up?

B: yeah, it was nice to talk to you.

 Yeah you too! When you come to Australia you can ask your people for my number and I can take you out.

B: yeah I can be like “do you know Hazal?” and they will be like “yeah yeah Hazal from Bondi!”… yeah this isn’t going to work but anyway.

 Well your people can call my people... I’m pretty popular down here, so yeah, don’t think you’re the only popular one.

B: oh ok. So I should say “do you know the popular Hazal? Not the one that hangs out at the mall but the popular one?” (laughs)

 That’s right, the popular Hazal, that’s what they call me

B: (laughs)

 Alright man thanks for the chat, I’ll see you in January.

B: See you!

 

Available at: http://www.monsterchildren.com/contributors/hazal-alkac/my-chat-w-breakbot/